Once upon a moon ago, I was a small girl, yes, small. I had not gone through my growth spurt, so was still considered small. I was only 8 (or maybe 9, more likely 9 though).
I remember my mum said to me that day, "You're gonna be sent over to [insert random name] to look after you today" as it was the school holidays and mum was at work. I remember begging her to stay home, to not go to work that day because the woman who was child minding me that day had some kids who had viciously beaten me up on various occasions. However, mum just thought it was child like rough and tumble and thought nothing of it.
Anyway, later that day, the black haired witch who was looking after me shoved me out the door, on my own, to go play with my imagination. I was happy to oblige.
A little while later, a big fucking heffa called Nikki, and her streak of piss friend called Sean, came mooching round the corner. Nikki proceeded to push me to the ground and jump up and down on my right knee - (up until now I had managed to cycle like the wind to get away from her as she had tried to beat me up before.)
I remember being in total pain, screaming in fact, and that woman who was child minding me didn't come outside to check despite this all happening right outside her kitchen window.
Sean, the streak of piss, stood there and watched Nikki Bowen, jump up and down laughing at me calling me weird and other various names and did nothing to help.
Nikki stopped what she was doing having got bored and decided to go home (we all lived on a housing estate that was for the Royal Navy and it was quite a closed nit community and the road was rather small-ish).
I couldn't walk, I could barely drag myself to the edge of the road. I was in agony, screaming for my mum, and no one would help me. Soon enough the black haired bitch looking after me decided to probably stop smoking her cigarette and feeding her kids coco pops for lunch to come and see what the fuck I was yelling about.
She crossed the road, where she grabbed me by the back of my jumper and dragged me, by my jumper into the kitchen and park me on the floor where she shouted at me to get up. I was screaming in pain, I could not walk (I didn't know why) and could not, no matter what I did, get up. Something told me not to move. I laid on the kitchen floor, remembering mum finished work at 1pm and would be back soon, she'd come and cuddle me and make it better OR maybe if this woman had a heart would call my mum sooner to return urgently to cuddle me sooner.
This woman, who luckily for me, had a much older daughter training to be a nurse. She arrived back at the property, I suppose to see her witch mother.
The mother grabbed my ankle of my right leg and wiggled it and said "Look, there aint nothing wrong with her I can move her leg". The elder daughter shot up out of her seat and told her mother to stop upon noticing my right leg was swollen so badly it was having circulation cut from my jeans.
The daughter, the elder more sensible one, decided that her mother should step the fuck away from me. You'd think at this point she'd have called my mum, but no, they decided to leave me there till my mum returned from work to collect me.
Mum saw me on the kitchen floor and was not told by the child minder that I had been beaten up. My mum was unaware that my leg may have been badly damaged, sprained or what not. So she thought it was again a bit of rough and tumble as that is how it was explained to her. I could barely speak for crying.
Mum carted me to the hospital to get checked out and realised it was a bit more serious when I couldn't carry my weight and then she saw my leg.
I got whisked through the hospital to the casualty area and was cut out of my jeans and immediately placed into a splint to hold my leg straight. That was the last thing I remember as I passed out in pain (apparently!) I came to, AFTER i had been operated on to find my leg was severely broken. My shin bone had split at the knee joint and some had passed through my knee and my thigh bone had split at the knee joint and move through towards my shin. So basically that bitch broke my fucking leg.
I was in hospital for a long old time. I Had weights attached to my foot to draw the bone apart while it healed. And yes it did heal, in fact, it over healed, leaving me with one leg an inch longer than the other. I also have bad knee problems on the right side, specially when its cold.
Fast forward to tonight.
Mum decided to go to tesco at 9.10pm. She stayed in the car in the carpark while I went inside. I picked up my goods and walked to a till. I paid for mums items first, then my own, thus making two transactions. I glanced behind me to see who was joining the queue. I almost froze when I saw it was Nikki Bowen standing there. I looked away quickly, she saw me and had a look of "I know you don't I?" on her ugly fucking cunting face. I looked back to check again, yes, I was convinced, I would NEVER forget that face for as long as I live. Specially as she beat me up one new years eve when I was 16 in a door way of someone's house with 30 boys to help her "get me". I had not seen her since that night. In fact, I saw her only once between new years eve 1998 and when she broke my leg. Her mother tried to kick me when I was 14 and innocently walking to the shop. But other than that, tonight was the first time in a long time.
After new years eve 1998 (and me filing a police report) I assumed she moved out of this area as, like I said I had not seen her. Well, turns out she didn't move that far.
Going back to the queue, I saw her, looked away, looked again, looked away, looked again, and with every look, her face coming back to me from when she was jumping up and down on my leg. Yes, it was her alright.
I swore, and kept swearing, if I EVER SAW HER AGAIN, no MATTER WHERE I WAS, I was gonna smash her teeth out and leave her with just a little of the pain she gave me, pain that I have to deal with for the rest of my life.
I didn't do anything. I paid for my goods and ran back to the car, and burst into tears when I got outside. Even my mum did a reccy of the car park to check that it was her and yes, even my mum said it was 100% her. She was wider than she used to be, however I was twice her height and could easily kick her from the tesco car park in Havant to kingdom come. Easily.
I didn't. I left. I am so disappointed in myself, I feel like I let myself down. Mum keeps on saying that it made me a better person to walk away and say and do nothing.
Why could I not do it? Doing a law degree and needing a spotless criminal record didn't even cross my mind. I just walked out and left.
Which leads me to the question in my blog title: Am I Gutless?
